20 Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Hard

Are you looking for some funny quotes to make you smile or laugh? Here we collected some quotes that will make you laugh hard. Have fun : )

1. I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

2. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

3. I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.

4. If you say you’re cooler than me…
Does that make me hotter than you?

5. Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?

I don’t know dear… You’ll have to ask grandma.

6. I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned

7. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

8. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

9. He who laughs last didn’t get it.

10.My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said “at the end of this ruler is and idiot!” I got detention after I asked him which end he was referring to.

11. It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

12. I have strong feeling about gun control. If there’s a gun around, I want to be controlling it.

13. A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

14. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.

15. Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.

16. What happens if you get scared half to death twice???

17. I’m one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:
>>ONCE when it’s told to me
>>ONCE when it’s explained to me
and
>>ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it

18. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

19. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

20. One possible reason that I don’t believe in fate is that I wasn’t fated to.

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